Knew it was too good to be true.

Ryan has been loving his Bella baby. He thinks she's the most wonderful thing ever. This has really thrown me and John off since Ryan's been pretty anti-baby since we sat him down and explained pregnancy and baby to him when we told the boys I was having a baby. But we've seen Ryan's turn around in thought as a blessing. We were dreading Ryan meeting the baby and having him around her, but instead of being the monster we were expecting he's been wonderful with her.
That is until this morning...
Bella had a bad night, well, no, I had a bad night, Bella seemed to enjoy it. We were so sure she'd sleep even better than usual last night since she didn't get her whole afternoon nap and was up late, but no. She slept for about an hour, just enough to get John and me good and asleep, then she woke up and refused to go back to sleep for more than 30-40 minutes at a time. She kept this up until around 4 - 4:30 am, and of course I was the one up with her since John has work today and I have nothing except watching her and Ryan.
Well, she woke up at 6:30 for her morning feeding. She ate and was 1/2 way done when Ryan came in bed to snuggle me and Bella. He did good for about 5 minutes then told me he was ready to get up and eat. Since John hadn't left yet I told him to go ask his daddy to make him a bowl of cereal. Wrong thing to say apparently... He started crying and bouncing and re-woke up the just fallen asleep Bella. Bella then started crying so I told Ryan to leave my room now if he couldn't act big. He left and John made him cereal, and I nursed Bella again and got her back to sleep.
I guess I dozed off because the next thing I know Ryan is screaming from the kitchen "Mommy I'm done!" over and over. So I get up go in the kitchen and get him out of his chair. He pops his thumb in his mouth goes to Zach's room tells me to turn Stitch back on and then tells me to go away I'm not his mommy anymore.

Picture of the Day: "Cheese"

This picture is actually from last month and I have no story or anything funny to go with it. I just need a happy picture today...

An [Insert Your Vice Here] Kinda Day

Today sucked... like majorly. My boobs were incredibly full and sore, my tail bone hurt, I had cramps since I couldn't take my pain medicine. There was no good parking on campus, I don't think I did well on my extra credit exam and I really need those points. I got a long detailed text from my mom during class about how Ryan was being very non-behaved. Zach got out of school in a foul mood. I spent 20 minutes searching for his birth certificate (which somehow keeps getting lost...) so I could go register him at school he already freaking goes to just to find out, no, students in the pre-k program don't have to have anything other than up-to-date proof of residency for kindergarten registration. All the idiot drivers in my city were out, one almost hit me. I could only scrounge up $7 for gas money and even with my Kroger card I only got 3.5 gallons. I have this huge splitting headache and the boys are fighting.

I haven't even left her yet.

How can I already miss Miss Bella when I haven't even left home yet, let alone left her at my mom's? I have to go back to school today, but its really only for a handful of days then I'm done for the semester. But this will be her first time away from me, they even did all of her testing and such in the hospital in my room. I'm going to miss my baby so much. I'm sad and right now she's still laying back in bed but I already miss her.

Picture of the Day: "So this is love"

My favorite part of a baby is nursing. It broke my heart when I was unable to nurse Ryan, because my experience of nursing Zach was great. I had no problem morally or even emotionally of feeding him formula from a bottle especially since it was what was best for him, no matter what people may say, and he has turned out wonderfully thank you very much. But I am very glad that Miss Bella has taken so well to nursing. There's just something about looking down and seeing those big newborn eyes looking up at you as if you are their world. I love nursing my girl, especially since I know she's the last baby I will nurse. And I don't care if its just "gas" as everyone says, when she looks up at me half asleep while nursing and gives one of those unexpected newborn "smiles" it melts my heart like chocolate.

Miss Bella has arrived!

(Its actually been almost a week since she arrived, but today's the first day I've been able to update the blog.)
So, I went in last Tuesday to be induced as planned, but after being on the pitocin drip for six hours I made no change other than progressivly worse contractions. The doctor came in and explained all my options and we decided to give it another three hours and then stop for the day. There was still no change after the three hours were up, and by the 30 minutes after they stopped the pitocin the contractions had stopped.
That night they inserted some gel stuff into me to soften my cervix. The doctor said it shouldn't cause contractions, but they left the moniters on me just in case. Not even an hour after it was inserted the contractions came back full force. Let me tell you, it was not fun. I couldn't have an epidural since I had ate after they took me off the pitocin so they gave me a different kind of pain medicine and a sleeping pill so that I could get some rest. However, I woke every two hours on the dot when the medicine wore off.
By Wednesday morning I was 3 cm. dilated. They re-started the pitocin. After that things moved quickly. They kept me on the pain medicine which made me sleepy so I slept through most of it. They gave me my epidural at 11 am. My water broke at 11:15 and pushed me to 7 cm dilated. By 11:30 I had gone up to 9 and was having to hold back the need to push since my doctor wasn't in. He got there at 12:30 and I started pushing, 30 minutes later Miss Bella was born.
I had 22 hours of contractions, but it was worth it when she was finally out. She weighed in at 7lbs 2 oz, and measured at 19.5 inches. Her and the boys have all been the same length, but she was the heaviest of the three.
We got home Thursday afternoon. The boys have been great with her, Ryan loves her so much. He calls her his Bella Baby.
Here are some pictures of her after delivery:

Picture of the Day: "My New Obsession?"

Now this is probably about 1/3 of Miss Bella's clothes in her's and Zach's closet. And as her side fills more and more up, and her drawers get more and more clothes I'm noticing this trend in color. My little girl has a lot of pink clothes. Like a ton. The funny thing is, I'm not too sure how. I don't buy them. John doesn't buy them. When we let Zach pick out clothes when we go shopping for her we don't let him buy more than 1 pink thing. (Its bad enough he'll only get her dresses.) I don't think we got a lot of pink in the hand-me-downs we got, my friend isn't big on pink either. So the question is where is all this God awful pink coming from?!

Shhh, that's the sound of my heartbreaking.

We're laying in bed this morning and at about 6 (which is actually kind of late by Ryan's standards) Ryan comes in my room over to my side of the bed and says "Mommy, can you turn on your bathroom light?" So I get up and turn it on for him, only to see my door is still open and the hallway is really bright. I walk in the hallway and remember I left the boys' bathroom light on all night so I wouldn't have to wake up so early to turn them on. But I should have known, this is part of his morning routine.
He comes back to the bed, and as also part of his routine, climbs right up into my bed and scoots himself between me and John. Out of habit we both move over and give him his required room in our bed. We all snuggle in together, and since Ryan is awake for the morning now, he's talking. He's laying between us just talking away and occasionally rubbing one of our arms, or putting his hand on our faces, or snuggling in really close. He's just doing all the little snuggly morning Ryan things that we love.
All the sudden it hits me, we won't have mornings like this anymore. Not with just the three of us being lazy and snuggling. Its always been our Mommy-Daddy-Ryan time. Every morning for the past yearish this has been our routine, and today was the last day for it. I know it'll be different, and maybe even a little better when Miss Bella comes, but I'll miss this special time I get with my boy so much.

Picture of the Day: "Who are you?"

So I keep going back and looking at the profile of the last ultrasound picture I have. I look at it and wonder "Who is this little person? What will she be like? What will she look like?" I stare at it and try to think of if she looks more like the ultrasounds I got of Ryan or Zach so I can guess how she will look. Unfortunately, the only ultrasound pictures I have of them is Zach at 15 weeks and Ryan at 35 weeks. This one was done around 24-25 weeks. I know I shouldn't try to get my hopes up about her looks, and I'm sure I'll find her beautiful no matter what, but its like I just need to know.

No baby today.

Well, after all that worry over if I'm dilated or not, I didn't even get checked. Apparently when the office re-opened from lunch the hospital called and said the doctor's patient who is 24 weeks pregnant with triplets went into labor and he was needed immediately. (BTW the nurses said it was not going well, poor lady) So, no checking if I'm dilated. HOWEVER, he left instructions for them to go ahead and schedule for me to be induced next week!!! So next Tuesday (apparently the hospital has no room on Monday) I have to be in the ER at 5:30 am so they can start the paperwork and get me a room, and at 6 they are going to induce me!

Here comes the Moment of Truth

I leave for my check up in roughly 15-20 minutes. Please pray I'm dilated. I so hope I am.

Picture of the Day: "Dropping Right Out"

So, I'm convinced if Miss Bella drops anymore she's going to drop right out of me. Here is a picture of my stomach just two weeks before. (35ish weeks) Its like whoosh. I feel like she's just going to plop right out of me when I walk. Sort of like "Waddle, walk, plop." And the knowledge that a little bit of mucus is holding her in is so not as comforting as people keep making it out to be. Add to that that the mucus plug has been slowly coming out over the past month isn't helping my feelings of having her drop out.

Shaking on the inside.

I'm so nervous its the day they tell me if I can get induced Monday or not. Oh man I hope they say I can. I'll be so pissed if I'm not dilated. Its bad enough my doctor will be "down there" checking, but if I'm going to have to deal with that pain and uncomfortableness I better be getting good news. Plus, I'm just so sick of being pregnant. This pregnancy has blown compared to the boys. Other than the huge amounts of morning sickness I got with Zach his pregnancy was a breeze, Ryan's was just awesome, other than getting big I had no adverse symptoms. This one, ugh. And I'm ready to meet my little girl.

Getting a little nervous

Tomorrow is the big day. Okay, not the big BIG day, but its still pretty darn big. Tomorrow's the day that lets me know if the BIG day Monday gets to happen or not. My doctor will be checking to see if I'm dilated any or not (which by the way hurts) tomorrow. And if I am even a teeny bit I get to be induced Monday, if I'm not then no induction. I'm so so ready to have Miss Bella out. If he says I can't get induced I am going to break down and cry in his office. I'm trying to stay positive, I mean I'm 38 weeks, I have to be at least a little dilated right? Right?! I've worked this up into this huge huge thing in my mind, because so much hinges on it. It doesn't make me bad to want her out, it makes me very very pregnant and uncomfy.

Picture of the Day: "My Family"

Our family as my 4 almost 5 year old sees us. The top one (with the big head) is John, the next biggest is me, and then the smaller ones from top to bottom are Miss Bella, Zach, and then Ryan. I guess one day I'll have to get us a "real" family picture, because the last time we had one taken was, um, 2ish years ago, but I kinda like the one Zach created.

What Qualifies Me?

What qualifies me to raise a little girl? Nothing. What I know about little girls could fit into one sentence, and that is "A little girl is a whole lot different than a little boy." You would think being a female myself that I would have some knowledge, and I do have the basics: wipe them different when changing a diaper, its okay for them to wear dresses... um I think that's all I got. I was never girly, ever. My mom always said she got lucky with me because I was never a girly baby, toddler, child, or teenager. I look at my little sisters and the little girls I know and I go into a panic. These girls always look so well put together, nice hair, cute matching outfits, impeccable girl manners. I don't know how to do hair, I have enough trouble getting my own into a pony tail. My four year old does a better job matching clothes than me (he's also the one who has picked out most of what we already have for Miss Bella). And lastly, I have horrible girl manners. I know the basic manners that all children need to know, and I know all about how girls and boys should be treated and raised the same, but sorry, I come from an old-fashioned southern family where, yeah we treat both genders mostly the same, but there are some things girls do and need to know and some things for boys. I'm a great "boy" mom. My boys are amazingly well-mannered (when not at home), have a solid sense of right and wrong, the ways you treat a girl, and I'm good at teaching them that. I don't know what to do with a little girl. What on earth am I going to do?

I miss my boys.

I miss my boys. I've been looking forward to this week for about a month now. Zach's on Spring Break and so my mom took them both up to Arkansas to visit my grandparents for a few days. It was supposed to be for the whole week, but since they are more than likely inducing me next Monday she didn't want to be gone the whole week so she could help me get things ready. I was angry that they were cutting their trip short because I was so looking forward to having a whole quiet kid free week, more than likely my last until Miss Bella is quite a bit older. But now I'm so bored and I miss my boys so much. I didn't even make it a whole day. I was home for just a few hours yesterday before I started getting lonely and even wishing to have to go break up a fight or something between those two heathens. Now today I have no classes due to a sick teacher and another teacher going to a conference and I have no one to play with! For once I would have been home, on a non-weekend, at the same time as both boys. We could have gone to the zoo or the park or done something, and they aren't even home! Instead I get to sit around bored. I'm planning on doing some cleaning, but John doesn't want me doing a lot. This blows.

You would think...

You would think that since I got told last Thursday that the baby could be out as soon as this Monday the 20th that time would go just a wee faster. You know with the whole scrambling to make sure everything's done and getting ready. BUT IT'S NOT! If anything its going slower. Yesterday was so long. What's worse is Miss Bella has learned this new trick and it now feels like she is trying to scratch her way out of my uterus, something she kept at for at longest an hour yesterday. Its just so painful, almost to where I don't even want to move, I just want to lay curled up where I am. Just have to say to myself "6 more days, 6 more days."

Picture of the Day: "Go Gators!"

I was raised by staunch University of Memphis Tiger fans, and seeing as how I do also attend the Univ. of Memphis, I tend to cheer them on also. Now, I married a huge University of Florida Gators fan who has managed to corrupt my two young boys. True, I will cheer them on during football since their team is so much better than our's but still. Ryan is an even bigger Gators fan than his daddy, and a huge Tigers hater. His favorite animal at the zoo are the tigers, but he refuses to own anything related to tigers. He'll go so far as to tell you "Boo Tigers." Now, Ryan's best friend happens to be raised by big Tiger fans and wears Tigers stuff all the time and they get into these huge screaming fights with his friend saying "Go Tigers!" and Ryan responding with a "No! Boo Tigers! Go Gators!" I mean these little skirmishes can get violent in their insistency that no their team is better. Gotta love young college sports fans. lol
(Oh and if you're wondering how all that ties in with today's picture, Ryan is standing in front of a giant cement gator.)

Hello Alien.

I know you know what I'm talking about. Picture the scene in Alien where the alien is getting ready to pop out of dude's stomach. Its all moving and shifting and such. Well that's what this feels and looks like right now. The baby's just twirling and dancing, and doing something that I don't even know how she has the room for in there. The guy sitting next to me is just staring at my stomach and the look on his face is like "Oh my God, what the heck is in there?" lol

Yay Easter is Over!

Okay, I love Easter. Its always been one of my favorite holidays. I like having the excuse to dress up without having people ask me why, and the chance to dress the boys up too. I loved getting new art supplies every year (that's what the Easter bunny brings at my mom's) though, of course since I don't live with my parents anymore I didn't get any this year. BUT I got to start that tradition with the boys because they're both old enough now to responsibly use them. I got Ryan crayons and a new coloring book, Zach got his first ever set of markers and a coloring book. PLUS John built them a chalkboard for their room (well will be their room, right now its Zach and Bella's but that'll change when she starts sleeping through the night) so we got them each a huge thing of chalk. I got to dye eggs with Ryan for the first time, and looking back on it now it wasn't nearly so bad as when I made that post about it. We got to hide eggs and have the boys look for them. It just all went really well.
But then we got to my mom's for family Easter get together.
My little brother wound the boys up to the point of frustration for all party's involved. Neither one of them were in the best of moods to begin with because between church and then family coming over they only got about a 30 minute nap each. They were both running on a sugar overload. They kept eating candy and people kept giving them candy. We kept asking people not to give them anymore, we even took away their baskets so they couldn't get it on their own, but that didn't work. I don't think either one has ever had so much candy in one day since John and I are pretty strict about that. By 3:30 I needed a nap, and we didn't even leave my mom's until 8:30!
It was just a long long day and I must say I am very glad its over.

Picture of the Day: "Circa 1991"

Ever wonder what a 4 year old prima donna looks like? Well there you go. There's 4 year old me. I was by no stretch of the imagination a girly girl. That dress was the only one I owned and wore. My mom says its because I thought the orange color (can't tell in that picture but it was a bright neon orange) made my hair look better. No clue why, maybe thats why I hate the color orange now... Anywho, but I was so stuck on myself I used to tell people all the little boys chased me around because I was so pretty. (Something my grandmother loves to tell people regularly.) And you know what, I'm still pretty stuck on myself. (lol) Guess I should make a 22 year old prima donna post? Neh, I just call it have a good self-image and a good dose of self-confidence.

Coloring Easter Eggs with a 3 Year Old

Okay, so this was Ryan's first year coloring eggs. Lets say it was not the fun experience I was hoping for. He's just a few months younger than Zach was the first time he did eggs, and he did wonderfully, Ryan, eh... So first, we have to put our hands NOT the eggs in all the colors, then we have to put each egg in, but then move or pull it out every minute. The boy just didn't have the patience at all for this activity. All of our eggs are just multi-colored blobs, I can't even say they have character, as I usually do with things Ryan makes. They look exactly like what they are, 9 eggs that spent about 3 one-two minute sessions in each color. Hopefully next year will go a little better.

(Forward) Before I was a mom...

This is one of my favorite forwards to get, and I'm just sharing it here instead of forwarding it on.
Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her/himdown.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body..
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom

Picture of the Day: "Daddy and Boy"

I will admit it, my boys are momma's boys. In the event of any disturbance in their little worlds they defer to me, not John. If there is any microscopic boo boo, broken toy, fighting, or hurt feelings they come to Mommy. And Zach is much much worse at this than Ryan. John and I have talked about this in hopes that I have of helping his feelings not be hurt too badly. We both know, in our minds, that Zach is like this so strongly because for almost the first 2 years of his life there was mainly just me. John didn't live with us, and while he tried to spend as much time with Zach as possible, he worked so much and such weird hours, Zach was almost always asleep when John was able to come over. So we know that that is probably the reason Zach is such a HUGE momma's boy, but I know Zach does tons of little stuff still all the time (though he is getting better since we moved out of my mom's) that breaks John's heart everyday. Which thus breaks my heart. I hate that they don't have even half the relationship that John and Ryan do (who was only 3 months old when John moved in) but we're all trying and I think *and hope* that their relationship seems to be improving a little more each day.

Good Friday?

This Friday has not been "good." I'm tired and cranky, Ryan wouldn't fall asleep until 1:30 last night and then insisted on getting up at his regular time of 5:30. I've been working on a board siggy, but stupid PSE keeps crashing for some reason, and what's worse is I'm almost done with it! I have another request to fill after that and tons of host invites I want to get done before Miss Bella arrives. (The requests and invites I don't mind doing at all its just getting this board siggy done and having PSE crash on me constantly that makes me want to throw my computer across the room.) I constantly have to stop what I'm doing to go pee, I feel like I still have to go even after I've gone! My debit and credit cards were declined at the gas station this morning so I have to pray that I have enough gas to get me from school, to John's work to get money, and then on to a gas station. Also, when I went to drop off Ryan at my mom's Zach was up (he slept over - he's on Spring Break) and they started fighting over a stupid army man as soon as they saw each other! Gah, what a day, and its only 1/2 way through.

Picture of the Day: "Story of a Boy and Dog"

Ryan is so not a dog person. Actually, to be fair, he's not a cat, turtle, hamster, or any kind of pet person. He's silly because he loves animals, loves being around them, he just doesn't like pets. He was so beyond angry with John and I when we brought Kappy home. He tried to convince us for a month that no we really could take her back to the pet store. Now he's on kick that Kappy will hurt the baby. Kappy is one of the least aggressive dogs I have ever seen. She eats, makes chirpy noises, rolls in the grass, howls, and sleeps. That's it. She's actually a really boring dog, not at all what we were hoping for when we got a dog, but we like her now. (Even if she is scared of the dark...) I don't have any fears about how Kappy will do with the baby, Ryan's just trying a new trick to get rid of her. Ryan doesn't even want us to have Miss Bella. But I'm constantly catching Ryan loving on her and cuddling her (Kappy), though if he knows you're watching he pushes her away and yells at her. Weird boy.

How flipping awesome!

So I went in for my 37 week check up today (even though on Tuesday I'll be 38 weeks) and it was just the basic take my weight, pee in a cup, measure tummy, check my blood pressure, and check baby's heart beat. Then my doctor comes in and asks me if I want to go about this naturally or not. I'm all like "huh?" He says because of my size they're going to give me the option of just waiting and going into labor naturally whenever it happens, or if I'd rather...
Next Thursday when I go in for my next check up they are going to see if I've dilated any, and if I have they'll induce me that next Monday the 20th! I said oh heck yeah! I'm beyond ready for this baby to be out.
So unless this baby comes out on her own before the 20th, I'll be having a baby April 20th! (I will be dilated!)

Picture of the Day: "My View From the Top"

So this is what I see when I look down, and has been my view for a little while now. Honestly, I'm sick of it. I kinda miss my feet, or at least seeing them without having to spread my legs and waddle. Yeah yeah, baby bellies are cute and beautiful and all those wonderful things, but like I said, I miss my feet. They aren't pretty, but they're mine.

Introducing Myself

Me: Trish
Birthday: 1/7/1987
Occupation: Mom (and lots of other random junk)

The kiddos:
Zachary Evan (6/15/04) & Ryan Jacob (1/10/06)

Isabella Ann (4/22/09)