Well, of course.

So I was looking back through my blog and found my Picture of the Day from April 17th titled "Who Are You?" . The post goes over my wondering of who Bella will be, what she'll look like, what her personality will be and so on, and how I felt like I just really needed to know then. How stupid was that?
Bella is Bella and has been Bella since the first time I laid eyes on her. I can't imagine her looking any other way, its inconceivable. Her looks suit her personality and her personality suits her looks. She's perfect the way she is, and without having met her I could in no way have predicted who she would be. If I had been able to, where would the fun, joy, and surprise have been? I'm glad I had no idea who she is, its so much more fun figuring it out one day, look, noise, and cuddle at a time.

And the kids go crazy...

UPDATE: Zach's Party

Honestly, there isn't much to update on Zach's party except that I'm getting really nervous now. I have not heard a word from any of the parents of Zach's school friends. Nothing. Its been a week. I know his party isn't until the 13th and we put that on the notes we sent them, but really that's only about two weeks away. I would not worry so much but Zach is really counting on his friends to be there. He knows I sent letters to the parents because I had to ask him who he wanted to invite. He's so excited to get to see his friends again since he's been out of school a week. I'll understand if they have other plans or even if they call and say "Heck no! My kid ain't coming to no party!" or whatever. But come on have the decency to at least CALL!

Rocking it... Plumber Style

Don't you wish you had the looks and personality to pull this look off?

That's right.. rocking the Batman boxer-briefs, with a wedgie, and an inch of butt crack showing, that's how Ryan rolls 24/7/365.

She should know who she is.

So, I have this friend and she has a blog.
I love reading her blog because she applies her own great sense of humor and outlook to different situations that occur in her life. And, despite what she might sometimes think of herself, I think she's very brave and an inspiration.
I've done things in my past that while I'm not ashamed of them because they've made me who I am today, I would in no way have the guts to share with the world. I'm glad to talk about them with someone I know if they bring up a subject that pertains to it, or if I think my experience might help someone else, but I'm too much a chicken to lay my faults down for all to see.
(Yes, there is a point to this.)
I think she's very brave to lay down parts of her past others might try to cover. By doing so she gives others who are or have been in similar situations the hope and inspiration to go on, even if it seems impossible. And it is my sincerest wish that she keeps making it, even if it is just one day at a time, and that she knows someone has great respect and admiration for her because she does.

Picture of the Day: "Blue vs. Brown"

I'm the odd person out on all sides of my family. All of my dad's family has brown eyes, My mom's parents have brown eyes, my mom, aunt, and all my siblings have green eyes. John has brown eyes, and the boys have brown eyes. (Though Zach's are the brown of my dad's not John's...) Me, I have blue eyes, and I'm feeling a little lonely.
I was so sure when Zach came out with a head full of red hair that he would have my blue eyes, but nope brown. Ryan's eyes stayed that newborn dark blue-ish gray for so long I thought they might at least stay that color, but nope, by 18 months they were brown.
Now, Bella's eyes are doing something neither of the boys' eyes did, they're getting lighter. I am crossing all my crossables that this means one of my children will finally get my blue eyes. But knowing my luck even if they don't turn brown, they'll probably end up green.

Weekly Confessions (5/19-25)

Alright, here are this week's weekly confessions.

While I love my boys, I'm not missing them while they're at my mom's.

Zach has not set foot in our house since last Friday morning, and he thinks he's spending his entire summer break at my mom's house - and I'm tempted to let him.

I put off cleaning yesterday until John called to say he was on his way home from work.

I've had coffee all day for the past week.

I have not worked out at all this week even though I wake up every morning and say I am going to.

I can't remember the last time I cleaned my bathroom, I cleaned the boys' a week ago and need to do so again... maybe tomorrow.

As much as I love my best friend I really don't want to wear my bridesmaid gown.

I only cooked for my husband 2 nights last week.

I still feel awkward laying in bed with him by myself.

Unless I'm getting ready to take Bella out of the house I haven't bothered to dress her in the past week, she's just been in diapers.

I'm doing the several days in a row wearing the same pjs all day long deal again.

I'm pretty positive Kappy got fleas at my mom's but I told John no when he asked.

I told John I had a headache and needed a nap Sunday so that he would deal with the fighting boys while we were all at my mom's so I wouldn't have to.

I Don't Want to Move to Boston...

John came home from work yesterday and announced he wants to move to Boston.
I thought he was joking so I told him if he can find a house to buy (I don't want to rent), handle saleing this house, finding a job there, and get all the stats on the area I'll do it, just don't expect me to help.
By the time we went to bed he had a list of houses and all the statistical information on the areas they are in. PLUS, he had emailed the guy who handles our mortgage to find out if he can give us a projection of how long it'll be before we've paid enough on the house to actually make any money on the saleing of it.
I guess I should explain, John's two older brothers live in a city right outside of Boston, the way they explain it is that its like a city that is slowly getting crept up on by Boston. His brothers' mom just passed away, and their (all of them) grandparents are all gone now. Basically that's where John's family is, and he wants to move closer to them. He doesn't have any close family where we are since his grandparents are gone.
BUT... (remember the title of this post) I don't want to move to Boston! I don't like the cold, I don't like snow, I don't like their accents. I LIKE living in the southeast. I like the heat and humidity. Plus, while he might not have family here, I do. I thought he was just joking, but I think he's serious about this.

I have no schedule and I REALLY need one!

Okay, its been a month and Bella still has no schedule, not even a vague one. Now, to make matters worse, mine and Ryan's whole schedule is thrown out of whack since Zach is out for the summer. Our schedule revolved around Zach's school schedule. Plus Zach was on a whole different schedule than us! We eat lunch around 11 or 11:30, Zach eats lunch at 12:30. Ryan lays down for nap at 12ish, Zach doesn't lay down until 1. This doesn't seem like a big deal, except how am I supposed to get anything accomplished juggling two children's different schedules and a baby with NO schedule?! It should only take a week or two to get the boys on one set schedule, but Bella just doesn't want one, but by God, I'm going to try. I am sick to death of how messy my house has gotten, and trust me, if it gets to the point I can't stand that means its a huge mess.

Picture of the Day: "Head Wound... again"

Where, oh, where do I begin? I guess I should start with the fact that Ryan, poor boy, really takes after me. True, he's the mirror image of John at three, but personality-wise, he's me to a T. He also has my sense of, um, balance and coordination, which means he has next to none. The boy can't walk across a flat surface without tripping over his feet.
Friday afternoon we were at my mom's house and Ryan was upstairs playing with my younger brother, Zach, and some of my brother's friends. I'm downstairs nursing Bella. My little brother comes running down the stairs with Ryan in his arms calling my name, I look up and Ryan's entire face and neck are covered in blood. I'm not one to faint or get hysterical over blood, cuts, injuries, and things like that, but I just about lost it when I saw him, and my brother clearly already had lost it. Ryan, my wonderful boy, is just calm as can be, not crying or even complaining about his head hurting. Apparently, the boys had been dancing in my brother's room while my brother and his friends played Rockband. Ryan tripped over something, no telling what, and hit his head on the corner of my brother's dresser.
I put him on the counter by the sink and called my mom into the kitchen, we start cleaning all the blood off him so we can see the wound. It's a gash about an inch long right above his hairline, we had to cut and shave the hair right there so we could really look at it and clean it. We decide after cleaning it, and a brief call to the doctor, as long as he doesn't seem to have a concussion he shouldn't need to be seen because its too small a wound for stitches and that we shouldn't worry head wounds just bleed a lot, which thanks to Ryan I already knew. So he has a butterfly bandage on it and a bandaid over it.

More odd than nice.

We've finally gotten Bella to start the night in her bed. The past few nights however we laid her down much too early to get to take advantage of that, she would be waking up ready to eat when we would be going to bed. Well, last night we didn't put her to bed in her bed until 9, and then an hour later we decided to lay down in our bed and watch a movie. I go through my bedtime routine thinking "This is going to be so nice! Laying in bed, not being uncomfy and pregnant, not having to worry about baby in bed..." It comes time for us both to lay down, and I get in bed first as John starts the movie, I'm trying out laying in different positions enjoying being able to lay in all these silly ones and my stomach, ways I haven't slept in bed in months and months. The movie's starting, John checks on Bella one more time (even though her bed is less than 2 feet from our's...), and then John gets in bed.
We're both laying there very stiff and awkwardly. Its kind of like we've forgotten how to just lay in bed together, alone. There's no big tummy between us, no baby sleeping or nursing between us, its just John and I. Its still too soon for us to be intimate, and even before I got pregnant with Bella its not like we often just laid in bed and watched movies. It was a whole new territory. Eventually John took the prerogative to make things normal, which is good since I was just laying there thinking "Okay this is so odd." After a while we both were able to relax and watch the movie, but I still can't get over how it was so odd at the beginning. I guess its because we never had this moment with the boys, they were both already out of my bed by the time we married and he moved in.

Is it really the end of May?!

I have, um, 25 days until Zach turns 5, and only 23 until his birthday party. I've been putting off really planning and sending out invites to his party all month thinking, "No, I don't have to do it now, I have plenty of time." But I don't! I have to get in the invites to his school friends TOMORROW because that's their last day of school and the school's not allowed to give out addresses and phone numbers. Probably I shouldn't have put off sending those...
Which leads to a new set of worms. What do I do if none of Zach's friends can come to his birthday party? This is his first real one and he'll be devastated if none can come, and I won't even be able to call in backups because I can't reach anyone. Or what if they come and they're mean? One of the little boys he wants to invite has been mean to him lately (or so Zach was saying, now he's saying he wasn't), and I've never heard him talking about playing with two of the other boys. I've only ever heard him talking about playing with and being friends with two of the boys he's inviting. On top of that, he won't invite any little girls from his class. Wouldn't be an issue except his best friend in his class is a little girl, and he said no girls can come, not even her.
But if his friends do come what do I do about the parents? John and I are so much younger than almost all of the other parents, for the most part about 5-10 years younger. We won't have much in common with them at all. Maybe I can talk my mom into coming and acting like Zach's mom. She's young enough to pull it off.

Crying like a baby

Zach's last day of school is Friday. Today his teacher sent home this huge white box with a picture of him on it and a picture of the whole class on it. Inside the box were copies of all the pictures she took of him this year, a dvd her and her helper made that is made up of pictures of the students in the class participating in the activities they had this year and just doing stuff, it was long too, going month by month, all of Zach's artwork that they hung up on the walls, and lastly a congratulations card for me and John for having Bella.
I just sat and watched the dvd on my computer (its Zach's Wii time so my tv is unavailable) and just finished it. By the end of it I was crying like a baby, because not only did MY baby grow so much during the year, but so did all those other mommies' babies! And then I felt really guilty because in the dvd it showed all the activities they did that parents were invited too, and I only came to one and John only came to one.
But I'm so glad she sent those picture copies home because I was just thinking his Pre-K scrapbook is going to be awfully small because I only had a handful of pictures of him doing school related things. Now I can scan those and have more!

WARNING:

The blog's going to be looking a little funky on and off today as I go though and give it a facelift.

Weekly Confessions

Confessions of the things I've done this past week...
I confess I laid all my kids down early last night, made Bella take bottles, and took some Benadryll so I could get a full nights sleep last night.

I confess my youngest son has been in the same pair of underwear for 2 1/2 days because I feel too crummy to do laundry and because I'm mad that he's managed to lose 10 pairs of underwear in the past month.

I confess I'm on my 4th cup of coffee today.

I confess the only reason I agreed that we would go to my older brother's birthday dinner tonight was so that I wouldn't have to cook and clean tonight.

I confess I let Bella just lay in bed and cry this morning so I could make some desperatly needed coffee this morning... and yesterday morning too.

I confess I've been in the same pai of jammies for the past 3 days including when I went to pick Zach up from school yesterday.

I confess I sent Zach to school without his backpack yesterday because I was too lazy to drive 1o minutes to my mom's to get it.

I confess I've spent most of the past week holding Bella all day because as soon as I set her down she wakes up and screams.

I confess I've just been filling the dog food bowl as full as it will go and letting the dog eat on it throughout the day until it is empty instead of remembering to feed her twice a day.

I confess i have not ate a real meal in a week.

I confess Bella is lying in bed crying because I don't feel like playing the hold me all day mommy game today. She's been fed, and changed and I held her until she feel asleep, she's just tired.

I confess Ryan should have laid down 30 minutes ago, but I didn't feel like fighting that battle today.

(Now, doesn't all of that make you feel better about yourself? lol)

Baby + 3 Year Old + Sick = Grumpy Mom

I've been so happy to not be pregnant anymore. I mean my pregnancy with Bella was not fun or pleasant, so I've been really enjoying having her out. (Other than for the reason I love her, and love holding her, and feeding her, and so on) But right now I'm not too happy she's out.
I'm sick. I was just a little sick yesterday, and I think its all Bella's fault that I feel a million times worse today. She did not want to sleep last night, nor did she want to eat a lot, she wanted to be held, and to be up walking, my sick tired body wanted to be sleeping.
So now its 8 am and I'm up, my head hurts, my nose is as stuffed as it can get, and it feels like my throat is getting rubbed with sandpaper each time I cough (which is frequently). Plus, I'm having to deal with Ryan who is feeling very full of himself and argumentative this morning. I think I'm losing my voice, and having to get on to him every 5 minutes isn't helping any. Thankfully its Bella's morning nap time, and she shouldn't be up for another hour, but going off of last night I might not get it. I don't know what I'm going to do today. I really want to call my mom and ask her to take Ryan today, but I so don't want to be in her "debt" and have her trying to rope me into watching the kids she babysits.
Ugh I want to just go back to bed.

Picture of the Day: "Finding Her Voice"

Bella's a pretty even-tempered baby, and up until very recently if she cried over something it wasn't very loud and more like whimpering. Well, middle of last week she discovered she can scream while crying, and let me tell you what, that girl has a set of pipes on her. I no longer have to leave doors open when I lay her down so I can hear when she wakes, even with my bedroom door shut and the hallway door shut and the tv on in the living room I can hear her scream all the way in the kitchen. Its driving Ryan crazy, especially since he spends most of the day playing in Zach's room which is across from mine. If I don't get her the minute she starts he'll come to me and say "Mommy go get that baby now! I can't hear my shows!"

Should I Feel Guilty?

I'm having my first child free non-school related night out tonight. My best friend is having her bridal shower tonight, and she has stressed over and over, do not bring Bella. She's been bugging me about wanting to see her before she moves to Texas, so I thought I would maybe bring Bella tonight that way things'll be easier on John and so she could see Bella. Well, my friend said no. (Which really makes me wonder what'll be going on...)
But I don't feel excited about this kid free night and I feel I should be. I feel guilty being away from Bella like this. And then to top things off I feel guiltier because I want to call my friend and back out. Which I so can't do since I'm one of the bridesmaids and her oldest and best friend.

I Don't Talk, I Moo.

Or well at least it feels like I should!
I believe Bella must be going through, or getting ready to go through a growth spurt. If she's awake she's eating, or fussing about wanting to eat, or just finished eating. I think shes now permanently attached to my boob area.

Bella's 3 Week Photo Shoot

These are from Missy-poos 3 week photo shoot the other morning. Nothing fancy, something really anyone with a camera can do. Now these instructions are for little babies, though they can be applied to toddlers and children too, if you have a whole lot more patience.
First off, take some pillows or a nursing pillow and put it on a relativly clean area of the floor. You want to make sure that any light coming through a window is coming from behind where you plan to stand to take the pictures, not from in front of. Also, if it is a bright enough day try to stick with the natural light of the sun and not use lamps or overhead lights, this will give your pictures truer colors that a light bulb allows.

Next, find a plain sheet. It doesn't have to be white, but white is what I recommend since that way it won't give the skin a false color tint the way a colored sheet might. Take that sheet and drape it over your pillow(s), this gives you a professional looking backdrop for your pictures.

Next take tons and tons of pictures. Make sure you have lots of fun while doing it. Don't let this become a stressful activity for you or baby because then he/she will probably become fussy. Don't worry about trying to get just the perfect shot, because eventually, if you take enough shots you're bound to end up with at least a couple that you love. The great thing about a digital camera is you can just delete all the really blurry ones and the ones you just don't like.

Lastly, upload them to your computer and enjoy!

(If you want to really edit your pictures there are plenty of free programs you can download, and many computers and cameras come with basic photo editing software.)

*When doing this with children or toddlers, I suggest taking your sheet to the wall and using another for the floor to create the professional looking space.

How to Have a Cheap Date with Your Child

If, like me, you are not blessed to have a free zoo near your house, here's what I recommend:
Get a zoo membership.
Really. True, you look at the price of a family membership and your wallet probably winces just a bit (or a lot). But think of it this way, say it costs about $85 (our's is $79) a year, you know you probably won't go even every week, but say you go at least once a month, going on my admission prices for 1 adult and 2 children plus parking, you're looking at spending roughly $20 ($3 parking, $7 adult, $5 a child) if you aren't a member. But if you are a member and go to the zoo just 5 times, your membership has more than paid off. PLUS, if your zoo is like mine, you probably also get discounts to special zoo events and a discount at the gift shop (if your zoo has one).
But say the zoo isn't your thing, try to find a museum or children's museum near your house and get a menbership. Generally these types of things pay off after 5-10 visits, that's less than once a month. Plus, once you have a membership you find you go to them more often. That leads to learning more and more quality time with your child(ren).

Can you tell me why?

Why do I have to have one set parenting style? Hmmm??? Where is it written that I have to follow one parenting style to the tee and not use any others? And why must I even have to label myself as an "Attachment Parenting" or "Traditional Parenting" parent? Can't I just be a, um, parent?
Yes, I do co-sleeping, yes, I hold my baby when she fusses, and yes, I prefer to breastfeed my child whenever possible and introduce as little formula as possible. BUT... I also believe in my spanking, CIO (when the baby's older), and not letting my children run the show. I use what works with my children, and who knows, maybe the same things won't work for Bella that work for the boys, and if they don't I'll find what does work and use that. I'm not going to say the way I parent is the right way that everyone should use, because there is no set one way that works for everyone. And I'm sick to death of people asking "Well, are you AP or traditional?" or then going into a "Well, this kind of parenting is much better than this kind..."
I mean who are they to say that one type is the best? Are they an expert on the subject? Yeah sure, they can do all the "research" they want, but here's the thing... research, about 90% of the time, is biased to favor what the researcher wants to show.
So, yeah, I spank my boys... get over it. Its what they respond best to. Did I try other means of punishment? Yes. Did they work? No. I use what works with my children, and if anyone has a problem with that they can just go... well yeah, you know what they can go do.

Picture of the Day: "Baby So Tiny"

First off... no Ryan is not slapping Bella.
Okay, now that that's cleared, up, this picture is from Sunday. Ryan was fascinated by the size difference between him and Bella. He was just dumbfounded by the fact that his hand is almost as big as Bella's entire face. I tried saying its not such an amazing thing since he's three years older than her and she is, well, a newborn. But he's just stuck on this "Baby so tiny..." kick. I have to hear about all of her is so tiny all the time. It's sweet, but getting a wee old.

Why Isn't Angry Mom Gone Already?!

I could seriously cry. I'm sick to death of her and want her gone. And trust me, so do the boys.

Before getting pregnant with Miss Bella I was a very even tempered sort of person, sure my temper would occasionally flare up, but not unprovoked. And very very rarely did I take my anger out on my boys. While I do believe in spankings, I do not believe in yelling or screaming at my children. When I became pregnant I became very moody, like with huge mood swings, and since I couldn't punish the boys when they misbehaved, I couldn't chase them down or anything, and they knew it, they would act horrible when their dad wasn't home. Thus, I ended up yelling at them... a lot. I was no fun at all for them to be around.
One of the things I was looking forward to about not being pregnant was getting my moods back to normal. As a matter of fact, it was one of the main things I was looking forward to. But I'm still this huge emotional wreck. It takes very little to set off my temper, and not much more to have me yelling at them. I hate it. If I'm depressed in any way its because of this. I miss being me, and I know the boys miss me too.

This stinks.

Sore Loser.

I just don't get it. Zach has always played so well with others, and he loves when others play games with him. We've always taught him to take losing in stride and to not be overly boastful when he wins. Well, I took the time to play Wii with him yesterday (not something I do often, its more of a Zach and John thing) and the boy has become the biggest sore loser/winner. If he would start to lose at the game, he would quit the game and start a new one. If he won he would be obnoxiously boastful about it. I know he didn't get that from John and I. I'm about 90% positive he picked it up from my little brother, and while we work and work on trying to get him not to act like that it just gets ruined each time he goes back to my mom's house. I hate that he picks up all these bad habits from my brother, but what can I do? I can't punish my mom and step-dad by not letting Zach come over because of my brother, but each time he comes back its worse. Its not just the sore loser/winner thing either. Its everything. My little brother has the worst manners and a horribke attitude and its rubbing off on Zach. We've told him he can't go over for the next two weeks, which makes us feel horrible because its not his fault, but what else can we do?

A Girl's Mom: Week 1

Its been one week since we've gotten home from the hospital with Miss Bella. So what we're going to do now is review my progress of my first week as a mom of a girl.

1. This is the one that bothers me most, so I'm just going to clear the air on it now. Apparently, I didn't know the proper procedures of changing a little girl. I thought I was doing good, I even remembered to wipe her down with wipes every time. Then the first time my mom watched her I get a call from my mom wanting to know why Bella had raw spots on her bottom. I said I don't know what she's talking about, and she said in some of Bella's folds down there she has raw spots from where I haven't been doing a god job of wiping her. So, my little girl has already had a sore bottom thanks to my lack of knowing how to properly change a girl.
2. Clothes. And to think I was stressed over being able to properly dress her and make her clothes match. She's so skinny (just like Zach was) she can't even wear anything other than the few newborn onesies we have. So I get to put off reviewing this for a little while yet.
3. Starting her on a schedule. Okay this one has nothing to do with her being a her, but it is part of getting used to a baby. Bella's on a schedule, but its one entirely of her making, which makes it pretty difficult for the rest of us. She wakes up in the morning around 6-6:30 to nurse for about 20-30 minutes, she then sleeps until 9:30-10ish. Then she wakes eats, get changed, then goes back to sleep around 11 and stays asleep till about 3 then wakes and eats again then goes back to sleep until 8ish. Then she has her I'm awake lets be together time. She'll stay up until 11ish. I know this is backwards and I should try to adjust her schedule but really, I like having her sleep so much.

Really, so far, being a girl's mom isn't that hard or different, but then my girl is also still a newborn so we'll see.