Yeah, you read that right. The title of this blog post really, and truly, is “Penises and Fecal Matter.” And if you say you didn’t laugh or have to re-read it after you read it you’re a liar-liar-pants-on-fire.
I’ve seriously been thinking how I would do this post for a while. I mean really, how do you address the subject of penises and fecal matter?!
I am definitely a mom of boys.
Since about October Ryan’s new favorite word has been penis. He likes to say it in this silly quiet high pitched voice and then giggles for about 5 minutes after saying it. When he starts it’s impossible to get him to stop, and he bursts out with it at the most random times. See, in October I signed a consent form for him to go to a program at school about inappropriate touching. There’s one for K-4, one for kindergarten, and one for fifth graders. They’re all different and go over the subject matter in age appropriate ways. Zach went to it in K-4 and kindergarten and he NEVER had this reaction. One of the things they go over in the K-4 program is that it’s important to call your privates by their right names in case you need to go to a teacher or some adult other than your parent and tell them someone has touched you in an inappropriate place because not all adults know the nicknames (for lack of a better word) other adults teach their children for the names of privates. Such as we always called penises “units.” Since learning the word penis Ryan has become obsessed with saying it. lol
Now… fecal matter, which as you should know, means ((whispering)) poop. This is Zach’s words. My seventeen year old brother taught him about fecal matter. Why? Because he’s a seventeen year old boy and he thought it would be a funny thing to teach a six-year old to say. This is probably something I shouldn’t admit to, but one of our favorite games is to see who can come up with the most ridiculous thing to call the other. (Yes, basically it’s name calling and insulting – but get over it, they’re my kids and we do it as a joke, something to make us laugh. My mom did it with us also and none of us turned out as jerks or bullies) Zach thinks the funnies thing to call anyone is something with fecal matter, for example “fecal matter head,” “fecal matter hair,” “fecal matter eater,” “you lick fecal matter;” I’m sure you get the point. He also likes to go up to people and ask/say “Do you know what fecal matter is? I do. It’s poop.”
So yes, this is my post about penises and fecal matter. I do so hope you enjoyed it.