"What a horrible candle-snuffing word. That's like saying, "He can't climb that mountain, he's just a man", or "That's not a diamond, it's just a rock."'- from Finding Neverland
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Sunday Sayings (2/28)
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Not thinking I like this much
So for the past couple of months I've been having real issues with my period. (Great way to stat a post, huh?) I called my doctor and told him how erratic its been and he told me to come in as soon as I started. I went in at the start of my last one, and my doctor said he wanted to start me on birth control, not as birth control but to help regulate my courses. He said since Bella is almost a year old and hasn't been nursing in a long time that my courses should be back to normal by now. I said ok, because really this crazy period my body's been doing with no rhyme or reason is driving me nuts!
Well, I've been on birth control about 2ish weeks now, and I think I like not knowing when it will hit next better. I started the first Monday during my period (you take it while on your period too), and it lasted 5 days, it went away for two days, and then came back again! He said as long as its old blood its ok, that its just my body's way of getting used to it. But this is just nuts! I'm all emotional and breaking out. This has been the longest period of my life! My doctor said stick it out that after the first 2 months everything should be normal, but I don't know if I can take two months of this!
Well, I've been on birth control about 2ish weeks now, and I think I like not knowing when it will hit next better. I started the first Monday during my period (you take it while on your period too), and it lasted 5 days, it went away for two days, and then came back again! He said as long as its old blood its ok, that its just my body's way of getting used to it. But this is just nuts! I'm all emotional and breaking out. This has been the longest period of my life! My doctor said stick it out that after the first 2 months everything should be normal, but I don't know if I can take two months of this!
Yeah, I'm that girl
I'm the type girl that people hate.
I get pregnant by just thinking of my husband the wrong way when I'm fertile. And not a single one of our children were planned. True, when I got pregnant with Bella we'd been talking about trying again in a few years, then about a month later I'm peeing on a home pregnancy test.
I whine and moan and complain about my pregnancies almost the entire time I'm pregnant. I'm sorry I can't be happy-go-lucky over the fact that I'm puking my gutts up all day for over 5 months. Or about the fact that I'm in almost constant pain from having a transverse baby. I seriously doubt that should I ever get pregnant again that that will change.
Now the question is, does that mean I don't appreciate my children or pregnancies anymore than others? Um, no. Does the fact that all I have to do is think the "S" word and I get pregnant mean I don't deserve to be because we didn't have to suffer and struggle to get that way mean I'm undeserving? Heck no.
It means I was blessed.
Generally I try to steer away from posting many of my more outspoken, and probably unwanted, opinions, but this has been bugging me a while now.
I won't claim to understand the pain and frustration of women who have problems with infertility. But I can say that when its people I know I feel sadness and frustration for them. When I became pregnant with Bella I did not expect my best friend to be happy for me seeing as how all of her pregnancies have ended in miscarriages. I didn't expect my cousin who has been struggling with infertility for 5 years to be happy either. Were they as time went on? Yes.
What I can not stand is for people who do have fertility problems to try to make people like me seem like bad, undeserving, ignorant women just because we don't have fertility problems and like a normal human weren't blissfully ecstatic through our whole entire pregnancies. I could say those people should just try harder or relax, but that would be an untrue, uncaring, ignorant blanket statement.
Just something to think about.
I get pregnant by just thinking of my husband the wrong way when I'm fertile. And not a single one of our children were planned. True, when I got pregnant with Bella we'd been talking about trying again in a few years, then about a month later I'm peeing on a home pregnancy test.
I whine and moan and complain about my pregnancies almost the entire time I'm pregnant. I'm sorry I can't be happy-go-lucky over the fact that I'm puking my gutts up all day for over 5 months. Or about the fact that I'm in almost constant pain from having a transverse baby. I seriously doubt that should I ever get pregnant again that that will change.
Now the question is, does that mean I don't appreciate my children or pregnancies anymore than others? Um, no. Does the fact that all I have to do is think the "S" word and I get pregnant mean I don't deserve to be because we didn't have to suffer and struggle to get that way mean I'm undeserving? Heck no.
It means I was blessed.
Generally I try to steer away from posting many of my more outspoken, and probably unwanted, opinions, but this has been bugging me a while now.
I won't claim to understand the pain and frustration of women who have problems with infertility. But I can say that when its people I know I feel sadness and frustration for them. When I became pregnant with Bella I did not expect my best friend to be happy for me seeing as how all of her pregnancies have ended in miscarriages. I didn't expect my cousin who has been struggling with infertility for 5 years to be happy either. Were they as time went on? Yes.
What I can not stand is for people who do have fertility problems to try to make people like me seem like bad, undeserving, ignorant women just because we don't have fertility problems and like a normal human weren't blissfully ecstatic through our whole entire pregnancies. I could say those people should just try harder or relax, but that would be an untrue, uncaring, ignorant blanket statement.
Just something to think about.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
You dirty rotten liar!
My daughter is not 10 months old, nor is she almost 1.
You are all either liars or collectively wrong. I mean there is no way that its been almost a year since her birth. I remember having her like it was yesterday. Plus, what strangers are always telling me, "That baby is much too small to be 1o months old!"
So, as I said in this title, if you say she is 10 months old then you're a dirty rotten liar.
(either that or I'm in very firm denial)
You are all either liars or collectively wrong. I mean there is no way that its been almost a year since her birth. I remember having her like it was yesterday. Plus, what strangers are always telling me, "That baby is much too small to be 1o months old!"
So, as I said in this title, if you say she is 10 months old then you're a dirty rotten liar.
(either that or I'm in very firm denial)
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
How can this be scary?
It seems like since Bella was born I've taken a year off of everything.
I took a year off of school, which many many people in my family - husband included, think was a huge mistake. I got a lot of the "Once you leave college you never go back..." type of speeches. I got a lot of smug looks and yeah-right glances each time I insisted, no I AM going back in the fall. But the thing was I just couldn't go back the fall after Bella's birth. I had the whole summer off after her birth, but it was right before I was due to go back to school that we started having health problems with Bella and the long lists of tests and confusions over her growing began. There was just no way I could go back. I would've been missing more school than I was attending. I had already bombed at school the year I was pregnant with her. Between horrible long lasting morning sickness, extra doctor's appointments since I had miscarried a few months before, and then incredible pain with her being transverse I missed a lot of school, and even completing all my work I still got bad grades. I just couldn't afford another semester of bad grades and missing a lot of class. So, with John is agreement at the time, I decided to take the fall semester off with plans to return the spring semester when hopefully we'd have more answers on Bella.
However, due to insurance problems we never got those answers. So by the time it was time to register for spring classes I opted not to again. Again with John saying ok. Which this turned out to be a good thing seeing as how one of my kids has been sick steadily since November. Bella's doctor has ok'd her saying he sees nothing wrong with her if the geneticist finds nothing wrong, but she still gets sick soooo easily. We can't afford childcare, nor can we afford to send her to my mom's since the boy my mom watches also stays sick. I was thinking maybe I wouldn't be able to go back in fall of this year. John and I had been getting into lots of fights over this. He says I'm being "stupid" to put off finishing my degree, and that I need to "get off my butt" and finish or get a job. I understand his frustration because he's waiting on me to finish college so he can go and get his degree is Music Education. But how am I suppose to go back to school let alone work with a baby I can't send to childcare?
I had thought about online classes - how could I not when that's the first thing everyone would mention? But at the stage I am in my degree there were no more online classes my university offered unless I wanted to waste another year on classes I didn't need. One of my friends mentioned an online school she was going to, but I was still unsure since my state doesn't recognize teaching degrees from online schools. Or so I thought.
When I told my friend thanks but no and asked her why she was wasting her time there (she's also getting a teaching degree) she told me she talked to the state's board and apparently this is the only online school they accept teaching degrees from.
So here I am applying to this school and I'm terrified.
I took a year off of school, which many many people in my family - husband included, think was a huge mistake. I got a lot of the "Once you leave college you never go back..." type of speeches. I got a lot of smug looks and yeah-right glances each time I insisted, no I AM going back in the fall. But the thing was I just couldn't go back the fall after Bella's birth. I had the whole summer off after her birth, but it was right before I was due to go back to school that we started having health problems with Bella and the long lists of tests and confusions over her growing began. There was just no way I could go back. I would've been missing more school than I was attending. I had already bombed at school the year I was pregnant with her. Between horrible long lasting morning sickness, extra doctor's appointments since I had miscarried a few months before, and then incredible pain with her being transverse I missed a lot of school, and even completing all my work I still got bad grades. I just couldn't afford another semester of bad grades and missing a lot of class. So, with John is agreement at the time, I decided to take the fall semester off with plans to return the spring semester when hopefully we'd have more answers on Bella.
However, due to insurance problems we never got those answers. So by the time it was time to register for spring classes I opted not to again. Again with John saying ok. Which this turned out to be a good thing seeing as how one of my kids has been sick steadily since November. Bella's doctor has ok'd her saying he sees nothing wrong with her if the geneticist finds nothing wrong, but she still gets sick soooo easily. We can't afford childcare, nor can we afford to send her to my mom's since the boy my mom watches also stays sick. I was thinking maybe I wouldn't be able to go back in fall of this year. John and I had been getting into lots of fights over this. He says I'm being "stupid" to put off finishing my degree, and that I need to "get off my butt" and finish or get a job. I understand his frustration because he's waiting on me to finish college so he can go and get his degree is Music Education. But how am I suppose to go back to school let alone work with a baby I can't send to childcare?
I had thought about online classes - how could I not when that's the first thing everyone would mention? But at the stage I am in my degree there were no more online classes my university offered unless I wanted to waste another year on classes I didn't need. One of my friends mentioned an online school she was going to, but I was still unsure since my state doesn't recognize teaching degrees from online schools. Or so I thought.
When I told my friend thanks but no and asked her why she was wasting her time there (she's also getting a teaching degree) she told me she talked to the state's board and apparently this is the only online school they accept teaching degrees from.
So here I am applying to this school and I'm terrified.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Well-Child Check Ups!
So, we went in for Ryan and Bella's well child appointments, his 4 year and her 9 month. The doctor ok'd Ryan to start school in August and informed me that Ryan is in the 75th percentile for both weight and height. I asked him about a cluster of bumps that popped up on Ryan's stomach last month and he said they're a type of wart caused by a virus and that they should just clear up in 6 months to a year. I figured they were warts but because of Zach I'm paranoid about anything resembling a mole on my children.
Now...
about Bella's appointment...
the doctor said...
and I quote...
"She's doing really great and I see a huge improvement in both her weight and height!"
She's 15 pounds, which means she put on almost a 1/2 a pound this week alone, and 26 inches long. She's still averaging a little over a pound a month now. And he said as long as the geneticist doesn't say anything popped up in her tests (which we still haven't gotten results on) he doesn't see the need for her to have to go through anymore of them. He was very impressed that she pulls herself to standing and can walk holding things. She can also stand on her own for very brief periods - as in like 5-10 seconds. She can say 4 words (Ana - Hanna, Mama, Dada, and Ni-ni - Night Night). She can wave bye bye, and feed herself. As I said, overall, he was very impressed with the way she's developing both physically and mentally.
:D
Now...
about Bella's appointment...
the doctor said...
and I quote...
"She's doing really great and I see a huge improvement in both her weight and height!"
She's 15 pounds, which means she put on almost a 1/2 a pound this week alone, and 26 inches long. She's still averaging a little over a pound a month now. And he said as long as the geneticist doesn't say anything popped up in her tests (which we still haven't gotten results on) he doesn't see the need for her to have to go through anymore of them. He was very impressed that she pulls herself to standing and can walk holding things. She can also stand on her own for very brief periods - as in like 5-10 seconds. She can say 4 words (Ana - Hanna, Mama, Dada, and Ni-ni - Night Night). She can wave bye bye, and feed herself. As I said, overall, he was very impressed with the way she's developing both physically and mentally.
:D
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