Tuesday, February 23, 2010

How can this be scary?

It seems like since Bella was born I've taken a year off of everything.
I took a year off of school, which many many people in my family - husband included, think was a huge mistake. I got a lot of the "Once you leave college you never go back..." type of speeches. I got a lot of smug looks and yeah-right glances each time I insisted, no I AM going back in the fall. But the thing was I just couldn't go back the fall after Bella's birth. I had the whole summer off after her birth, but it was right before I was due to go back to school that we started having health problems with Bella and the long lists of tests and confusions over her growing began. There was just no way I could go back. I would've been missing more school than I was attending. I had already bombed at school the year I was pregnant with her. Between horrible long lasting morning sickness, extra doctor's appointments since I had miscarried a few months before, and then incredible pain with her being transverse I missed a lot of school, and even completing all my work I still got bad grades. I just couldn't afford another semester of bad grades and missing a lot of class. So, with John is agreement at the time, I decided to take the fall semester off with plans to return the spring semester when hopefully we'd have more answers on Bella.
However, due to insurance problems we never got those answers. So by the time it was time to register for spring classes I opted not to again. Again with John saying ok. Which this turned out to be a good thing seeing as how one of my kids has been sick steadily since November. Bella's doctor has ok'd her saying he sees nothing wrong with her if the geneticist finds nothing wrong, but she still gets sick soooo easily. We can't afford childcare, nor can we afford to send her to my mom's since the boy my mom watches also stays sick. I was thinking maybe I wouldn't be able to go back in fall of this year. John and I had been getting into lots of fights over this. He says I'm being "stupid" to put off finishing my degree, and that I need to "get off my butt" and finish or get a job. I understand his frustration because he's waiting on me to finish college so he can go and get his degree is Music Education. But how am I suppose to go back to school let alone work with a baby I can't send to childcare?
I had thought about online classes - how could I not when that's the first thing everyone would mention? But at the stage I am in my degree there were no more online classes my university offered unless I wanted to waste another year on classes I didn't need. One of my friends mentioned an online school she was going to, but I was still unsure since my state doesn't recognize teaching degrees from online schools. Or so I thought.
When I told my friend thanks but no and asked her why she was wasting her time there (she's also getting a teaching degree) she told me she talked to the state's board and apparently this is the only online school they accept teaching degrees from.
So here I am applying to this school and I'm terrified.

1 comment:

Pom said...

Hey, you like keeping us stalkers worried until the last sentence, don't ya? LOL!

I would be terrified too if I were you. But it's only natural, isn't it? You might be a bit rusty at first but it would be much easier once you get the momentum going. Go, Trish!!