NO! No more boob for you!

Bella has this new thing which I am sure is at least 90% my fault. Before we discovered that Bella just does not like sleeping on her back I just held her while she slept during the day. It was just too much of a hassle and too stressful playing the up and down game with her. Well most of the time I held her while she slept she would be sleeping on the naked boob she just nursed from. Now she sleeps fine in her bed during the day, but its too late... my baby is a...
BOOB ADDICT!
She nurses then expects me to just leave my boob hanging out for her. She likes to lay on it, pretend like she's nursing, and her new favorite pinching and digging her fingers into the sides of my boob. And if I try to move her and put the boob away, she screams at me and latches back on. But does she eat? Noooo. She fills her mouth with milk then lets it dribble out the sides.
So what do I do? Being the pushover that I am when it comes to my youngest, I leave my boob hanging out for her to lay on until she falls asleep then after I lie her down I then get to put it away. But in my mind I'm yelling "No! No more boob for you!"

Picture of the Day: "You're My Best Friend..."

I can say something not many people can say. I have had the same best friend for seventeen years.
On my first day of kindergarten, 1992, this tall blond girl in big glasses walked up to me and said "Hi, my name is Emily, and if you're not my friend I'll beat you up." (How do I know this? Its not something I've let her live down once in the past 17 years.) Me, being a small child my whole life readily agreed to be her friend, and we have been best friends ever since. We went to school together through the 7th grade and then I moved about an hour away, but we still talked all the time and got together whenever we could. We've always been complete opposites in many ways except a few. She was the tall, athletic, never in trouble, goal driven girl. I was the short, sports hating, always in trouble, no goals at all girl. We dressed in completely different styles, hung out with completely different groups of people, we even went to different colleges in different states. But nothing has ever broken or gotten in the way of our friendship. I've always figured we've stayed so close through the years because we balance each other out so well. She's my best friend in the whole wide world, and I'm closer to her and love her more than my sisters.
I watched her get married today to a man she loves and whom I like. I stood up beside her as her matron of honor and watched the happiness and love on her face as they said their vows and were pronounced husband and wife. I was so completely and utterly grateful to be a part of her special day. She leaves to go on her week long honeymoon tonight, and then, the part that makes me cry, she is going straight to Texas where she will now live with her husband. I'm going to miss her so much and it makes me so sad, but I didn't let her see it. Today was her day, she was beautiful and so in love. I hope that it all works out for her and her husband, but I'm going to miss her so much.

Not nearly enough hours in the day.

If I could just sleep even in a wee bit less I might have enough hours in my day. I mean I sleep very little as is because I have huge issues with sleep and always have. From a health standpoint I could actually use more sleep not less, but that's way beside the point.
I need more time each day to accomplish stuff! I spend most of my morning alternating between cleaning the kitchen, feeding Bella, feeding Ryan, checking my emails, updating and checking the posts of Justmommies boards I host. This keeps me busy until lunch time. Its about this time each day that my mom calls me wanting to know if I'll do something or another for her, and Lord help me if I say no, that means, in her mind, something is wrong. Lately her favorite things to be convinced are wrong with me are that either I'm depressed or John and I are having serious marriage problems. And for the record I am NOT depressed nor have I ever really been, nor are John and I have maritial problems. These calls and text go on for about two hours while I am cleaning the living room. About this time Bella is ready to eat and this is our longest feeding session of the day, plus she likes to be awake, looking, and held after this feeding. At about 3-3:30 she falls asleep and I lay her down, Ryan is also waking up from nap about this time. Ryan wakes up at 5:30 in the morning every day energetic and ready to go, Ryan wakes up from nap in a foul mood. So, he wakes and I have to comfort and soothe him, generally by laying with him on the couch and rubbing his back while he watches his shows.
Now after this point used to be my do stuff for fun time. I'd either play with the boys, read, fool around online, take a shower, you know, do things I didn't have to do. But I decided to end my break I took from designing right before I had Bella. I'm just so backed up with work now. The store I work with changed a lot of their requirements and responsibilites. I'm all for most of these changes, but one is promoting your work and work by others in the store, they now do almost none. On top of all the work I was doing to catch my store back up now I'm also having to design something to give away for free to get people to sign up for my newsletter. Speaking of newsletter, I still have to figure out how to go about getting that set up!
I only have 2 and a 1/2 hours a day to accomplish all of that because I've spent the past 2 months not doing any real designing so its no longer in my schedule. During that 2 and 1/2 hours I also have to keep an eye on the boys playing, and feed Bella when she wakes. You don't get much designing accomplished in two and 1/2 hours of designing when you spend half that time with only one available hand because you're nursing. Then its back to straightening the living room, starting dinner, cleaning the kitchen again as I cook. John comes home. Feed the boys dinner and eat dinner and spend time with John. Next comes feeding Bella, changing her into jammies, and getting boys ready for bed. Then I spend more time with John. If there are shows on we watch I sit with him and watch them, if not then he plays Wii and I go ahead and get back on the computer. John goes to bed at about 10 and I stay up until midnight or 1 checking my Justmommies boards again, but mainly working on my designs more. At 1 I have to get off the computer because John gets up at that time to check and make sure I am off. If I'm not he says he's not paying the internet anymore, because he knows all about my sleep issues.
Once I have this free kit done and my newsletter set up and figured out things'll calm down some. If I had known to expect this when I returned back to working I would have started on it sooner instead of trying to take care of it while setting my store back up.
So I don't permanently need more hours in the day, just for say the next week or so. I didn't understand how unrealistic going back to designing would be with a little baby, but I love doing it too much not to.

Hi from Ryan and Me!

Picture of the Day: "A Young Family"

I could see, from an outsider's perspective, how someone could see the boys, Bella, and I as siblings instead of as a parent and her three children. And yeah, I guess I can understand how it might upset someone when they first hear that yes, I am the mother of all of them, including Zach. I know I look younger than I am, this is a fact I've been made very aware of over the years. I also know that even if I am twenty-two, that's still kind of young to be the mom of a five year old. But that doesn't give people the right to be rude. Being (or looking) young does not make someone a bad parent, nor does it mean that the young mom was loose or that her parents were failures as parents. From a first glance you know nothing about this person other than that she appears young and has a child or is pregnant. What basis is that to judge someone on? Better yet, what about you makes you so special that you can even judge that person to begin with?
Yes, I am a young parent, and yes I started at a young age. Does that make me a bad parent by default? No. Does that mean my parents didn't instill in me a proper set of values and sense of right and wrong? No. Does that make my children mistakes? Never. My children never have been, nor will they ever be, mistakes in my eyes. Unplanned, yes, but a mistake, no. They are the most precious gifts I've ever been given. No, I wouldn't do it over, or waited until I was older. If I did my children would not be the children I have today.

Angry Baby

So some of you know who Angry Baby is, however probably 90% of you don't. Let's take a post to explain this phenomenon known as Angry Baby.
Angry Baby is Miss Bella-poo. No, I don't always call my daughter Angry Baby, as a matter of fact, I try to not her call her Angry Baby - unless she's being Angry Baby. To break it down, Angry Baby is the name for my daughter when she's just flat out angry for no reason that I can comprehend. She'll cry and yell (not scream, but these loud baby noises with a red face in a very very loud tone - kinda exactly like when someone is yelling at you) and keep it up from anywhere between 5 minutes to 2 hours. Not too big a deal, people have babies who are like that all the time, but I swear to God up above, the boys as babies spoiled me. Unless there was something wrong they didn't do this, they were Happy Babies. Bella -not so much. About 1/4 the time Bella is Happy Baby, another 1/4 she's Angry Baby, but here's where I can't complain, the other 1/2 the time Bella is Sleeping Baby.
So yeah, my baby fusses, but she gets so angry when she does. Calling her Angry Baby isn't so much of a complaint or insult, just a way to separate my daughter's different personalities.

Sorry you don't think I'm worthy.

I'm in my friend's wedding this Saturday and have been bemoaning the wearing of the bridesmaid's dress. Its not ugly or anything, its just one boob (not both mind you) won't fit in the bodice. So we went looking for a different dress yesterday. The dresses aren't all the same just the same color so getting a different one isn't too big of a deal. Well we could find none the specific color red she wanted. So she starts freaking and going "wait no its okay, lets just find similar, the maid of honor can be dressed a little different from the others."
I had no idea I was maid of honor, and apparently the other bridesmaid who was with us didn't know either. I have only met the other bridesmaid a handful of times, but I know she's really close to my friend. This lady and I have been getting along fine, but all the sudden she's giving me ugly looks and the cold shoulder, I can only guess because Emily said I was the maid of honor. I thought she just wasn't having one, but it turns out she just wasn't going to tell anyone until rehearsal Friday night so that people wouldn't be pressuring her into picking who they thought it should be. And I'll admit when she called and asked me to be a bridesmaid I was a little hurt at the idea that she picked someone else to be maid of honor. I mean I've been her best friend for 17 years. But I figured if she was picking someone else she had a good reason.
Now I'm ridiculously happy, but also at the same time I'm really worried. All the other bridesmaids are a really close group of friends that I never really got to know and like, and I know most of them don't really like me. They always thought I was a bad influence, and some other nasty things I won't repeat. I'm worried they might say something to Emily to make her feel bad, or act spiteful at the wedding and upset her day. When I casually mentioned to her that maybe someone else would be a more appropriate choice she looked at me and said "Trisha, you've been my best friend since we were in kindergarten, I never even consider anyone else and I don't want it to be anyone else." Which made the other lady with us even angrier. Now, other than just not wanting to wear the bridesmaid dress (we're back to the original, we're just going to get the bodice let out some), I don't want to go to the wedding. I don't want them trying to make me feel bad, or for them to make Emily feel bad. And Emily knowing me so well knew I would be thinking along these lines and called me this morning to say I'm not allowed to back out.