A sad yet pleasant surprise.

Saturday in the mail I got a check for $100 from my grandmother.

In her note she included she said it was to buy Zach and Belly something for their birthdays and to help us out a little since I refuse to ask for any money or to take it when she calls or I visit and she offers.

This grandmother would be my father’s mother. She is in the mid-stages of dementia, something she has lived in fear of getting since not only did she care for her mother, who had it, she also watched her mother care for her mother when she had it. And yes in case you’re wondering, I live with the fear that one day I too will have it. I know the genetic link is a low percent, but if you look at my family history its too common to not worry. They all started showing signs of it before the age of 65, which also shows a greater predisposition to it being hereditary in this case. I remember, since I was in my early teens when my great grandmother died, how scary and sad it was for our family to watch her deteriorate. She spent her last few years hallucinating and living in a fog that never let up. In her last year of life my grandmother had to place her in a nursing home since she had also become paranoid and violent. It broke my grandmother’s heart. Now, even though my grandmother has been taking medicines to try to treat and prevent it, to the point of using experimental medicines, she has it too.

That is why I refuse to take her money when its offered. I’d hate for anyone to think I was taking advantage of her, and yes a few in my family would. The sadder part is that those few have no hesitation doing so themselves. She’s not too bad as yet, but it’s becoming more and more noticeable. So while its nice to get the check, it just makes me sad. When I call to tell her I got it will she remember even sending it?